First of all I would like to say this post is a little more personal than any of my previous posts. But after much consideration I have decided to post this with the hopes that it may help other people.
This month March marks 5 years that Brian and I have been trying to concieve (TTC). I have mentioned that in an earlier post I believe. What I didn't mention however is all the problems we have had. In 2004 after some symptoms I just didn't feel were right I visited my OBGYN, which was located in Enterprise at the time. He insisted that we do a biospy of my uterus. I took his advice and went through with that. After the biospy come back negative, he would need to perform a laproscopy. I had never heard of this and after his explanation of this exploratory surgery to find out what was going on, I scheduled surgery. After coming out of surgery he explained that he completed a D&C, asparated a cyst on my ovary and burnt out a small amount of endometrosis in my lower pelvis. He explained that the endometrosis was probably what brought me in his office in the first place and acted as if I should be back to normal soon. I always hesitate to ask a Doctor questions since they ARE the DOCTOR. He said there was no doubt that the endometrosis would return and in order to avoid further complications I should get pregnant or get on birth control. We decided to TTC.
After several months and on into a year of not being successful one tends to start to worry a bit. My mother-in-law told me about a chinese natural medicine Dr. that performed accupuncture and prescribed herbs in Destin. I decided I would give it a try. I mean after all what could it hurt? After several several trips to Destin and a lot of research Brian had come to the conclusion that I had PCOS (Polycysitic Ovarian Syndrome). I shared this with the Chinese Dr. and he said that it was very very hard to treat. After several more trips, I decided he was right. He had helped my endometrosis but he could do nothing for the PCOS. I felt like I was hitting my head against a brick wall. #1 do I even have PCOS? I should probably trust my husband who loves me unconditionally and does everything he can to research all of my problems. But on the other hand, I've never heard of this before and why in the WORLD didn't my OBGYN mention this? I have all of these symtpoms. I feel bad more than I feel good for no reason at all. I have horrible mood swings, so terrible I can hardly stand myself at times (poor Brian!). Thank the Good Lord above for providing unconditional love. Not to mention the personal female issues I am having with my menstrual cycle, infertility, weight gain and other very embarassing problems that I will spare you the details of.
After much more research in 2006 Brian thought I should take a medication called metformin to try to decrease some of the symptoms of PCOS. Finally after months and actually more like a year of begging, I decide to give it a try. The drug that has been around for years, used by diabetics but has been studied more recently for PCOS and the insulin resistance effect that comes with it. Keep in mind, NO medical Dr. has yet to say to me, I believe you may have PCOS. Obviously it is hard to diagnois and treat. But truly at this point you have to ask yourself, "Does any Doctor care about truly finding out what is wrong with me?" I feel like Brian and I have done more medical research trying to find out what is wrong than any Dr. ever has. My sweet and precious husband the RN believes I have this without a doubt, so what do I have to lose by trusting him and his research. Obviously he cares more than any Dr.
After several months on the drug and still no positive pregnacy test in 2007 we decide to see a fertility specialist. It took 1 full year for a local family Dr. to document that we had TTC before we could recieve a referral to the Fertility Dr. Here we are 3 years into TTC and my family Dr. wants to wait another year so they can document it!!! Ughhhh....so many frustrations. About 8 months into the metformin and only a few of my symptoms have started to disappate. I still have more bad days than good. I wish that I could truly explain the feelings that I have but I cannot. They are not really explainable, which I will have to say is one of the worst things about all of this. People think you are just putting on or lazy or just don't want to do anything. Brian is an outgoing outside person. When he is off he likes to enjoy it by doing things and my heart is to be with him as much as possible during his time off. Unforunately I never felt like doing anything. Even after a good nights rest I would still feel so bad. Tired, run down, achy, headaches, just plain awful. On a good day 2-4 advil would get me through, bad days it would take at least 6. Advil would only relieve some of the aches that I was experiencing. It NEVER releaved ANY of the just plain awful feelings. One Dr. said I was depressed. Gave me depressions medicine, I took one pill and swore to the good Lord above that when that pill got out of my system, I would never take another one and I didn't. I wasn't depressed, I wasn't dreaming, there was something wrong with me and I couldn't explain it to anyone and no Dr. seemed to care enough to find out what it was. Lose weight some would say, exercise (by the way, try excercising the next time you have the flu and see how that feels) that's the best way I know to explain it. After seeing several Dr.'s, trying all kinds of medicine and herbs and nothing seeming to help one can get a little discouraged and frustrated.
So here we are a documented 1 full year of TTC by the Dr. and still no positive pregnancy test. FINALLY a referral to have a BABY!! YEAH!! I was excited, hopeful and a ball of nerves all in one. We headed to Pensacola to see a well known fertility specialist there. I must say my first impression was a little blah...he was a little on the arrogant side but my husband will tell you that is just a trait of a surgeon. My first visit he takes 12, count 'em 12 viles of blood! I went back several visits for ultra sounds and vaginal ultra sounds to confirm ovulation and make sure everything looked normal. Brian was tested as well and when all results were in everything looked completly normal. I was even given a GTT test to test my blood sugar. After all normal results the Dr. says he must go in for another laproscopy. Ugghh, that is NOT what I wanted to hear. He thinks it's highly possible my endometrosis is back and possibly another cyst. I agree to have yet another laproscopy. After surgery is over he comes out and says these words, "I found absolutely no endometrosis, no cysts and piles of eggs. Dawn's reproductive organs look text book perfect. I see no reason that she isn't concieving." WHAT???? Two weeks after surgery we are back in his office to hear that we are in the 15% of unexplainable infertility. Well imagine that?!?!? Another road block!! God what are you trying to show me here? What are you trying to teach me? I have all kinds of feelings and emotions that run from anger, frustration, sadness to asking God WHY is all of this happening! The Dr. says we cannot take the well known drug for fertility "clomid" since I am ovulating or it will reverse my ovulation. We can come to Pensacola 2-3 days a week to pursue fertility injections and see where that gets us. However, he doesn't see any reason we shouldn't be able to concieve on our own. And just for the record, he states that I DO NOT have PCOS because I must have ovulation issues and more than one cyst on my ovary to classify me as a PCOS patient; I am more confused and frustrated than ever. I don't know whether to go back on metformin that has given me more relief at this point than anything or just stop taking it.
Since seeing the fertility specialist, I have continued to research and tried to find something to help me with my problems. Brian has found that I am pseudo PCOS. Pseudo??? I have what mimics PCOS. So basically I have the symptoms and some parts of PCOS. PCOS is very hard to diagnois and treat. Not all people have the same symptoms. It isn't like the flu, you can't say these are the symptoms of PCOS and you definitely have it. I have taken test that I have found online to show that I do have PCOS. Too many symptoms to say that I don't. I hate to tell the fertility specialist but he is wrong. I may not have the symptoms of not ovulating and more than one cyst but I have so many other symptoms, too many to ignore.
I shared this with a very close friend to me and a prayer warrior. She is a true friend to me and a God fearing woman that I love and trust. About 6 or 8 months ago she ran across an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis" on TLC of a girl that she said had a lot of the same symptoms as I did. She was so conviced that we had the same thing she called me and told me she wanted me to find that episode. What are the chances right? I mean c'mon, there's so many episodes of that I will probably never see that again.
The end of January I had a major problem with my menstrual cycle for the 3rd time in the past 8 months and to be quite honest with you I was a mess. I was angry with God, crying, upset and absolutely hopeless. I felt like God had forgot about me and I was so desperate that when I was with my prayer warrior we decided to take a big chance and look on the internet for the episode of Mystery Diagnosis. I was sure that the episode had something to do with PCOS so that is what I searched for when I found the website for the show. In my search, GOD, and it was GOD I ran across this website
http://www.womentowomen.com/. I looked at their information on PCOS and found they had a personal program GUARENTEED to work. C'mon now how many things are guarenteed??? MILLIONS!!!! I can hear the commercials in my head right now, call NOW only 3 easy payments of just $19.95, GUARENTEED or your money back, right?? WRONG!!! I did however feel that the Lord had led me to finding this website which is a clinic in Maine, founded by 2 women MD's and 2 women Nurse Practioners. The more I researched the website the more interested I became. So my curiosity was up and to be honest maybe a glimer of hope was shining through once more. I decided to call. I told my entire story to the poor lady on the other end of the line and she listened intently and patiently. She told me that she truly believed this program would work for me and if it didn't she would gladly give me my money back. I thought that was good enough so I ordered it. February 12th my order arrived and within 3 days of taking what they call Herbal Equilibrium my menstrual cycle was fixed. March 14th marked 30 days on the 90 day program that I am on and I am here to tell you that my life is 100% different!!!! I haven't felt this good in 12 years! Almost every single symptom that I gave to the nice lady named Sarah on the other end of the line that day have disappeard. I was in total shock I called back after 3 days and spoke to Sarah once more and told her just what had happened. She told me that she didn't want me to get too excited since it would probably take the full 90 days to balance my hormones and it may seem like I go backwards at times but she too thought the news was wonderful!! I can't tell you how my life has changed and how the people close to me have noticed a difference in me.
This is the whole point of this blog just to tell you about this program. I don't recieve any benefits or commission from this, I just want women that maybe struggling with some of the same things or maybe even different symptoms but that come from hormonal imbalances to know that there is help and I am living proof. I could have spared you a lot of the details above and just put the website on here and said check it out but would you really have checked it out? Now that you know, I bet you'll check it out and read a little closer. This has truly changed my life. I am looking and praying for better things to happen in the next 60 days but even if it doesn't get any better than it is right now it's wonderful! I am happy to say that in the past 30 days I have only taken advil 3 times for a slight headache. I haven't had any of the tired, run down, feelings. I haven't been irratiable or had any mood swings. I feel GREAT!!! My attitude towards everything and everybody has changed.
I can't thank the Lord enough for what he has done. I feel so blessed and yet so sorry for the anger that I felt towards Him. I pray for His forgiveness and no matter what happens for us TTC I am blessed by God #1 to have a wonderful Husband whom I can't thank enough for loving me unconditionally, being there for me and helping me to try to find out what was wrong with me. #2 For the Lord to led me to this program and find what it took to make me well. #3 Some of the MANY lessons God has taught me through all of this; In our "instantanious" society where we tap our foot at the microwave we want things NOW, not tomorrow, not a year from now, but RIGHT NOW and we forget in our high tech world full of computers and digital cameras that God doesn't work that way. His ways are not our ways nor His thoughts our thoughts. I have learned to seek HIS will for my life, not MINE but HIS. Also God has showed me that "Bitter people NEVER get Better!" And certainly not to give up hope in God and suffer from the DANGER of doing nothing! After all in Matthew 9:20-22 the woman had issue with bleeding for 12 YEARS! She certainly didn't give up on Jesus...she said if she could only touch his cloak that she would be healed. However Jesus said it was her FAITH that had healed her. I too am like that woman, I have Faith that God is going to do whatever His will is for my life. I don't have to pray for a child, for if that isn't His will for my life it just isn't. I want His will for my life, not what I THINK is best but what He KNOWS is best. He hasn't ever let me down and I am not looking for him to start now.
I pray right now that this blog will not be anything more than a help for someone who may possibly be experiencing some of the same problems. If not then I pray that you are encouraged in some way. God Bless You!
Dawn
I am continuing toward my goal. I have 22 more pounds to lose before my first goal and 57 more before I reach my long term goal. If you are working on yourself, your health and your weight as well, good luck to you and keep the faith. You can do it! Since losing this weight, the first month the majority of my PCOS symptoms disappeared. PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!! A picture of the new me and my new nose ring!
